It's Not Goodbye, It's Auf Wiedersehen.

Because we have to see each other again. We just have to.

My semester abroad is over. During my last weeks in Austria, I was asked many times whether I was happy to leaving or not. "I have mixed feelings" was always my answer. And now that I'm back at Harvard, my mixed feelings are even stronger. I'm happy to be in the company of my friends, of people who care about me, social justice, and overly-intellectualized radicalism; excited about my classes (even if I'm not excited about the amount of reading); and loving the perks of campus life, like a gorgeous, spacious single bedroom and a chocolate fountain for Sunday brunch. But at the same time, I miss the Austrian customs to which I've grown accustomed. I greet everyone I pass by in Kirkland House. I make eye contact with strangers on the street -- especially important as we both try to navigate the very tiny paths between the four-foot piles of snow covering the streets of Boston this week. I really just like eating grilled vegetables. When entering a room, I immediately take off my shoes and put on Hausschuhe. I go to bed at midnight and wake up at eight.

On Saturday night, I was explaining how I felt like I prioritized relationships during my semester in Austria, and that I was able to lead a more balanced and fulfilling life there because I wasn't so damn busy all the time. "Well," she asked me, "how are you going to bring Austria back to Harvard?" And that's the question. I do feel that I've grown a lot as a person during my semester abroad, and I want to transfer those lessons back to my life here. I don't want to be the college freshman who slept until 11am, then threw on sweatpants before running to class, and stayed up half the night finishing her papers. I want to lead a more balanced life here at Harvard, too. Let's see if it's possible.

I Do, Indeed, Finally Fit In

In the middle of November, I wrote a blog post which unfortunately was lost to the depths of the Web when my Internet connection went dead. In it, I remember opining that I would probably first feel totally at home in Austria at my goodbye party, when I would realize that I actually was a valued member of Haus Salzburg for the short time I was there. I'm not quite ready to take my leave yet, but it is true that I both feel totally at home here and finally feel like the Austrians I know see me as someone who belongs here. A few vignettes from the weekend will show you what I mean.

Things that I Will Miss about Austria

1. Prickelndes Mineralwasser
2. The U-Bahn runs all night on Friday and Saturday
3. The man in the U-Bahn that says "Umsteigen zu den Linien U1, U3, 4, 5, 59A, sowie zu Lokalbahn nach Baden"
4. Eating slowly
5. Dialekt!
6. "geil"
7. Hearing German music when I go out
8. Gösser / Ottakringer / European beer
9. Getting made fun of for embarrassing things about America
10. Cooking my own meals (and going grocery shopping)
11. Four-hour dinners
12. Buying alcohol in a supermarket
13. Milka Schokolade
14. Getting to drop the H-Bomb in a new language

Re-Evaluation of My Goals for the Semester

Because I will be unable to attend the final discussion for the required Central College Abroad course next week (I have a final for another class), I was asked to write a response paper re-evaluating the goals I had made at the beginning of the semester and reflecting upon my experience in Wien overall. Again, I'll try to post a translation when I have time.

Migration / Integration

I wrote this as a reflection paper for one of my classes (Penetrating Ethnic Communities) after we visited a mosque and speaking with some of its leaders about what it's like to be Turkish and/or Muslim in Austria. Writing it really helped me to clarify a lot of my thoughts on integration and xenophobia (Ausländerfeindlichkeit) in Austria. It's in German right now (I'll try to post a translation later), but I wanted to post it here anyway, both because I think it's important to understanding what I've learned here and because I want documentation of my German skills at this specific moment -- no matter if I advance or regress after this semester is over, I'll know that at one point, I could write semi-fluently.

It's the Final Countdown

January 27. The day I leave Austria with no pre-determined date of return. The day that's been looming in my mind ever since I returned last Thursday. Everytime I look at a calendar, I get a panicked feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't want this experience to end.

Reflections upon Coming Back

I was giddy with joy (and from exhaustion after a 30-hour trip) when I first stepped onto Austrian soil after two weeks in America for Christmas. I was once again confronted with everything that I had missed during break --- sparkling water (from Vöslauer, with the purple cap), Mülltrennung (garbage separation), the woman in the U-Bahn who announces "Zug fährt ab"--- and yet, it seemed different somehow. Normal. Alltäglich. I no longer added "... in Austria" in my head everytime I did something. I think I annoyed my family whenever I talked about Austria as "home" during the break, but it was only when I came back to Austria that I first realized how home-y it has become. And home is always a little boring -- it's the comfort of the familiar rather than the excitement of the new.