Learning German: Daham

I've been in Vienna for just short of three months now, and I've reached a point in my adjustment where I can say that nowhere in the world feels as much like home right now as this city does.

German differentiates between "die Heimat" ("home," as in the place where you're from) and "daheim" / "daham" ("home," as in where you live). I will always have a special connection to Pittsburgh -- in my complete admiration for working-class culture, in the way a turn-of-the-century brick factory brings tears to my eyes, in the way I value grit more than anything, in my complete and utter belief thats unions are the way to a better life. (Speaking of which, check this out!) Pittsburgh is and will always be a part of who I am.

But, at least for now, I'm a Wienerin, too. I have built a life for myself here.

Starting from one-and-a-half suitcases' worth of clothes, many of which have become too big for me or I have worn to bits (Vienna is really tough on shoes), I have amassed possessions in this city. Including my most recent purchase: some very German house shoes, which I am mad excited about!

Confession: My other pair of slippers had started to stink something awful

Owning things makes me feel rooted in this city. And friendships make me feel complete. I have one foot in so many circles here -- people I know from my time at Haus Salzburg, people from the Institut für Bildungspsychologie last summer (which is really two groups -- the other interns, who were bachelor's or master's level students, and the doctoral students), the other Fulbrighters, the people I met last weekend at a retreat / seminar for feminist students, the other English TAs, people from my current dormitory, my new roommates when I move into a flat starting in January, and various other friends of friends I've come into contact with during my time here. At times, I long for the security of a fix group of friends, like I had in college. But at other times, I love the excitement that comes with constantly meeting people, catching up with them and enjoying the unique forms of company that come with different groups.

Yesterday, for example, was one of my best days in the city so far. After work, I met up with my fellow interns from last summer for Kaffee und Kuchen. (Or actually apple pie, although I didn't realize that's what I was ordering at the time.) We talked a lot about intellectual topics, about problematizing the conceptualization of gender within psychology, about employment prospects in the academic market, about how painful it is to write a thesis, about how annoying natural scientists can be with their claims to "objectivity" -- as well as about the best places to get brunch in Wien, and why American refrigerators are so large.

Then it was off to a reception at the American ambassador's mansion in honor of the Fulbrighters. The best part of that: mini-Schnitzel hors d'oeuvres on toothpicks, and brainstorming lesson plans with Kate, another combined grantee. (Although I patted myself on the back for having a conversation about sociological constructions of race with the ambassador's wife. Networking practice: check.)

After the reception, I had planned to meet a friend of mine from Haus Salzburg in a local pub for a catch-up / gossip session. And then I needed to buy cell phone credit off of another friend of ours, so I told her to come along as well. And then this friend brought her roommate, and so we had a richtigen Mädl-Abend. Complete with musical accompaniment / video documentation, since cell-phone-credit-having friend makes music videos of her singing and puts them on YouTube.

I love the way this video perfectly encapsulates life in Vienna -- at least the way I live it. In many ways, life here is like life in any international city: young people unconcerned about the Nachtruhe walk the darkened streets, blaring the anthem of youth in their giggles and screams; colorful flashing lights beckon from the city's clubs and lounges; subway trains rattle by, ready to cart the urban masses to their nocturnal adventures.

But at other times, there's no doubt that what we have here in uniquely Austrian. We're eating Schnitzel, after all, to prepare for our night on the town, and the scene in the Lokal reminds me in many ways of a Stammtisch, that wonderful German tradition of meeting your friends at the same table of the same bar on the same night every week/month to drink beer.

In addition to being all-around awesome, this video mostly takes place at a Stammtisch

But my favorite thing about the video is how clearly me I am in it. I recognize my expressions, my mannerisms, my awkward dance moves, my way-too-loud laugh -- everything I know about myself and define as "me" -- even though I'm speaking German and navigating a foreign city.

It took a long time to get to this point, to a point where I am comfortable enough with life here to really feel like myself. I still stumble over words when I speak German, but that no longer bothers me. I have confidence that the words will eventually come out -- even if they're in the wrong tense, or have the wrong gender, or are in the wrong case -- and so I no longer feel any anxiety when I'm speaking. Even though I'm not 100% comfortable in this language, I feel 100% comfortable with this language. And that makes all the difference.

Similarly, I'm beginning to know my way around the city. I mostly ride the streetcar now, so I have a sense of how the city is laid out, how various streets and neighborhoods are connected, what points of transition exist, etc. I even know how many of the public transit lines connect up with each other, so I can plan my own routes based on where I need to go. And, if I'm ever unsure of which way to go on a certain street, I just ask somebody walking by. I used to be terrified of asking directions, but now I've accepted it as a normal part of life, a quicker way of figuring out how to get somewhere than copying down directions from Wiener Linien.

So, what does it take to make a new city your home? Not a lifetime spent there, not an encyclopedic knowledge of its layout, or its history, or even of its language. Just two reflexive verbs: sich auskennen and sich wohlfühlen.