Inspiration, Round 3

It's become something of a tradition for me to express my thoughts about my imminent departure in the form of a song lyric I can't get out of my head. This summer is no exception, as I've been haunted by the first lines of a song from, of all things, Pocahontas--the most American of Disney movies. It comes to me as I flip through GRE vocabulary flash cards, as my feet pound the track of my former high school on a run, as I slowly but surely fill my suitcases with clothes, books, and other items I can't bear to leave behind:

What I love most about rivers is
You can't step in the same river twice
The water's always changing, always flowing

I wanted to return to Austria partly because I feel comfortable there. I know that train tickets are much cheaper when you have a VORTEILScard (although it has always been unclear to me why it couldn't just be called a Vorteilskarte), that you have to move it in the grocery store checkout line if you don't want the customers behind you flashing you increasingly dirty looks, that almost anything can be found somewhere along Mariahilferstraße, and that THERE IS NO FUCKING U5 (seriously, oida, what the fuck?).

But you can't step in the same river twice. Austria will have changed in the thirteen months since I've been there, and more importantly, I've changed as well. A lot of times I feel like I'm in a relationship with Austria. Well, we've been on hiatus for over a year now, and now I've decided to try to rekindle things. But there's no way of knowing whether sparks will fly this time as they have in the past. I've met plenty of expats in Austria who absolutely hate the place, and I don't want to become one of them. I have loved Austria, and I want to believe I will love it again. But a part of me--the part of me that doesn't even believe in love--wonders whether that's even possible.